That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
