textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize