just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
well you can't waste a boner
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
