kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
