Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
