I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Randomize
