omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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