found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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