Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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