You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
