god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
