My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
