dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The air taste purple.
Randomize