did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
