Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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