he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
