this must be what syphilis tastes like
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
