I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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