oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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