ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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