She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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