You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
