she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
