So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize