Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
