She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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