So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
