just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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