so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
