make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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