Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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