my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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