I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just puked most of my soul out..
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