last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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