His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
