I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
