I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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