Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
