Don't make out with my wife yet
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
