I am in a vortex of obligation.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
