Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
