New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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