So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize