My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
someone owes me an orgasm
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
