there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
