i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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