Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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