just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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