After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You took a bar mat shot.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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