you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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