i permit you to call me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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