Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
