Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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