i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize