Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
