he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
