I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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