I like to think it a success when the cops are called
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
