it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
