This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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