I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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