i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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