Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
