Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
