Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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